Find me a duvet

I envy the homeless today. That’s something I would normally never even think about. They don’t have parking woes. They just wrap themselves in a duvet, watch people and get free coffee.

I happen to work for a council that can’t organise where employees can park so we have a choice of a unadopted bog land 1 mile from the front door or 2 hours outside the entrance with the happy chance of a £40 ticket landing on your windscreen by the parking nazi brigade!

Night is fun – dark and dangerous. A troop of council minions walking to their cars armed with lovely steal-able laptops.

Today I am fucked off.

So this morning I parked in the pay park and hiked to the office – costing £1.50. I came very close to hurling my lap top into the medway and being free from the bullshit.

Everyone is moaning. Managers are leaving. I’m on my third in 6 months. I am starting a social work degree in February for the first two years I can work anywhere. After that I need to be accepted as a student by a council. Today and not for the first time I am wondering about my choices.

If I think about the things I enjoy – writing, swimming, animals. I’m sure I can jumble together a career out of those. Quickly before I turning into a moaning zombie.

Bingo Pings, Cheesecake police, Black bags and Unattended Diggers!

Well who knew bingo had gone so techy! Tablet style cards you just sit and watch, they even wake you with a ping when you have one number to go! Yay, just what i need when my brains on other things, namely annoying men, like buses, nothing for ages, then they all show up at once, but thats another story!

At one point, my friends mum pinged, then i pinged, then her mum pinged again…. it sounded much like a tennis rally, with a chorus of “thats mine”, “thats mine” and “thats mine” ringing out! I did actually manage a win on my only ping of the evening, sadly not the fifteen thousand prize for the national game tho!

Now just think if you had a standing joke between you and a pal about diggers and patio slabs (dont ask)…. you exchange pictures on facebook messenger whenever you find diggers especially unattended ones (always good for a selfie especially on friday when at different times of the day we found the same digger unattended) and then one evening another friend says they want to drive via a charity shop and drop off a couple of black bags which to quote them ‘resemble dead bodies’! Yeah….. 😨😨😨

Ever been told off by an aldi employee! That same evening we popped in on the way home. I happened to be talking about cheesecakes and how i dont always unfreeze them totally, basically i cant be bothered to wait that long to eat them, well blimey you would’ve thought i had been on about killing someone (🤔) the way this woman shot off at me that they HAD to be defrosted first…. well not wanting to be eaten alive, we smiled and hurridly left before she had time to call the cheesecake police!

C

MSN inventors

Imagine you are home alone, well actually with your friend of mayhem, and you happen across a ream of A4 paper and thick marker pen. I seem to recall that the teenage guys in the house opposite had been waving and randomly opening and shutting their blinds. So we thought we would show life signs,literally!

Writing on the A4 and blue tacking it to the window until we got a response.

It pretty much went like this;

“Hello over there” wait… more wait… Malibu

“Hi who are you”

“Two girls,you?”

“I meant what’s your names”

“We might tell you later” much giggling and continued Malibu consumption.

No reply.

Frantic scribbling from us.

“What’s your name”

“God”

I don’t think we ever made or got to any kind of point. We weren’t even old enough to ask them out for a drink!

Proper inane drivel. This went on for at least two weeks until we realised that the whole street became informers resulting in a ban from windows A4 and marker pens.

Random memories of our teenage years – The birth of msn (not so – instant messenger)

Yes we invented it!

After our hugely successful greetings/hello tour of the town (even bagging a couple of dates, but not going as we didnt have a clue where the place was we were suppose to meet) we moved onto the early form of instant messenger!

Basically it was massive a4 sheets of paper in N’s place starting conversations, someone opposite joined in and the conversation went on.

Sadly for us, being of a naive age, we forgot the fact that everyone along the street could also see the messages! N’s mum was soon on our case…..

C

Meanwhile in deepest darkest Milton Keynes

Well todays been a busy one, walked the dogs round the local lakes, quite a misty morning but provided me with lots of photo opportunities of eerie looking scenes!

After which it was time for fat club, normal gathering of the troops to rally round each other, our group is so much fun, we have a right giggle! Everyone keeps asking me why im not a consultant, well remember little britain, marjory dawes, thats why! Lol Anyway Taster day next week, cant wait as i always end up taking all the leftovers home, i swear they all think im a human dustbin! Also we have some fantastic cooks at our session! After much thought on what i will cook all week, i shall probably manage to grab a box of mikado sticks as normal!

Then i popped off to milton keynes, felt quite chuffed as managed to negotiate the roundabouts and find myself at central mk shopping centre without the use of a sat nav or any wrong turnings (not that you can go far wrong as you just get to the next roundabout and go back again). Anyone that doesnt know milton keynes traffic system, its basically roundabouts, literally all roundabouts!

Enjoyed a break in john lewis as they kindly sent me a voucher for a free hot drink and cake, thank you very much for that one, saved me about £6.00 roughly! Wow….

Toddled off then to a book signing, yes ive now added craig revel horwood to my list of celebs ive met, he was lovely, chatty and one of my favourites so far! We chatted about audio books, flat white coffee, concrete cows, roundabouts, he did roll his eyes when i asked him about goings on backstage at strictly! And we decided bruno needed a crash mat as hes been falling off his chair a lot! Got some fab pics too! #makingamemory

On the way home i was plagued with a muppet driver insisting he wanted to drive in my boot with what was either his full beam on or a set of those overbright headlights! #carwanker

Home now, snuggled up with my free coffee i grabbed from waitrose en route home (with the grapes i forgot to get the oldie earlier), watching bake off extra slice, followed by the last leg!

C

 

Shopping Rage

Shopping for clothes should be pleasurable right? Or at the very least not stress inducing. Seems to be a very fine, almost minuscule line between a clothes shop and a boot sale! Yesterday I had a few minutes spare while searching for a phone shop to replace my charger so I dropped into Hastings shopping centre.

I would like to know what the thinking is behind cramming the rails so full that you can’t see the sizes. Shop assistants PLEASE put the sizes in ascending or descending order, I don’t care which. What else do you have to do all day. You sell clothes. Spending time searching for my size through twenty garments only to find it’s not there is infuriating.

Or worse the rail above is too low so the clothes above cover the rail you are looking at. What’s the deal? Are you over stocked? Have a staff of morons? Is this a marketing ploy because I have to say I prefer when two of each size are present and I have a feeling they may soon sell out as then I know I won’t meet forty other people wearing the same thing.

If you do find something nice Extrapolating the clothes hanger to from the rail is a challenge in itself. Once you achieve this feat the reward is finding all other clothes are attached in a convoy. Tangled in the hanger, falling on the floor. I recently went into a shop where all the hangers were facing outwards.. everyone knows the hangers should be hook towards wardrobe or rail, I hope. It’s common sense and easier to slide off the rail.

Anyway I didn’t buy anything and left hyperventilating and grumpy.

N.